attitudenotfood

So day 3 is done and its not known as the hardest day for nothing! I’ve felt pretty zapped all day really, focus not great which once again didn’t help my work and i spent most of the day hanging out at home keeping warm and drinking huge amounts of water.

I was really thirsty today, still not hungry though. I’ve got to say im a little…i don’t know disappointed that im not craving or missing food more (I know that must sound really strange and a masochistic) its just the base reason behind me taking on this cleanse was i wanted to try and reassess my relationship with food and at the moment i just feel totally disinterested in it. I don’t feel any more disgusted by my old habits than normal, i don’t particularly feel like im any less likely to binge again yet im also not really missing anything in particular.

Before i started this (and now i know this will sound crazy) i had a literal fruit obsession - in that i think it became like a surrogate binge food as it tasted good and is fairly guilt free, but then it got to the point when whenever i was a bit stressed or upset i would grab like 3-4 pieces of fruit in one go and end up giving myself an upset stomach. Like i would eat entire bags of satsumas and grapes in a matter or minutes and it was like once i felt a bit full (even though it was just fruit) i would feel like i’d failed and move onto the hard stuff. I find it odd how i haven’t even missed fruit which is the one thing i NEVER go with to the point where my portions are in double figures. Now i know fruit supposedly cant be that bad and lots of diet plans allow ‘unlimited’ but the nothing in excess is good for you and i defiantly do it to excess.

Its energy that i miss most, i just feel sleepy! not hungry sleepy! But then they say past this point it only gets easier - fingers crossed as otherwise i may have to rethink this whole thing

So today was an odd one, im still not really craving or missing food- i have no real desire to eat which i think is another sign this cleanse was needed- however the energy thing hit a little. I just felt a bit spaced out all day and whereas i can deal without the food - like i said im not actually missing it, i could really do with the energy as i have so much i need to get done i cant afford to be too zombie-fied. I’ve read a lot that after the slump people get a strange euphoric feeling of tons of energy and real focus so im hoping i will experience that soon - if not i may have to prioritise my work and re-think the 10 days (which would suck as i really want to complete this!)

anywho ive just had my laxatee and am now ready for a relativly early night (11pm ish?) this has been my 3rd day without any caffeine so hopefully the withdrawal should be done? please?

Thanks to everyone for their comments as its really great to hear what other peoples views on stuff like master cleanse is and their experiences. Wishing the best to you all out there XX

So i made it through my first day of the master cleanse! I have to say it was much much easier than i thought. The lemonade drink is fairly pleasant and it seemed to keep me full for the majority of the day. I did feel a touch low on energy at one or two points as it was a very long day from me (classes and study from 7am-9pm) but im feeling really calm and happy with myself.

I know cleanses are a fairly controversial topic in any diet community as some advocate them as a great detox while other say our bodies do it all for us, also the element of crash dieting i also know is not the correct way to lose weight. I feel i’ve read and heard enough of both arguments to have made an informed decision and while i cant say i am a convert to the alternative medicine scene i do believe that their is room in modern medicine for new approaches.

As strange as it may perhaps sound what has attracted me most to the master cleanse is not the weight loss or the supposed shiny bright insides it will bring, i just really feel i need to take some time out away from food to get my head straight. I have tried simply eating healthy and i can do it really well to a point but all the food choices and constantly questioning whats healthiest, how much ive eaten and what is ‘normal’ really gets me down. By taking 10 days off from the head whirl that is food and eating im hoping i can clarify and in a way detox my own relationship with food and really look at how i use and abuse it.

I mean deep down we all know whats good for us, when we are eating too much and when we are making bad choices yet we all still do it and i personally feel my own bad choices are getting out of control and have led me down some really miserable paths. i want to put the breaks on and give myself a fresh start so to speak. This cleanse is going to mark a break from my old habits and the old food baggage i need to let go - so really its as much a mind detox as a body one!

Anyway im feeling good about it right now and that it is the right thing for me personally right now and thats a feeling i havnt had for a very long time

So i woke up feeling really rough after last nights food binge and have basically spent the day preparing to start the master cleanse tomorrow. I didnt eat anything except for 2 servings of the maple syrup drink (which is actually delicious so much nicer than when made with black strap molasses which i was considering as a cheaper alternative) and lots of water. Im really glad i managed to let myself do it, i say let as everyday after a binge i wake up completely un-hungry and wishing i just never had to eat again but its like as soon as i do i feel doomed to binge again, so most last 2 full days of feeling crappy and this way i feel i have blunted some of the damage of yesterday and I feel more physically and mentally prepared to take this challenge on,

I know 10 days will be really rough so im just going to take every day as it goes as every little bit is better than nothing. I would really love to be able to complete this though as i do feel that i never finish anything and the achievement i know i would feel would be awesome! One of my main worried is living with my flatemates while i do this. I dont really want to tell them what im doing as they do not know about my binging or my old bulimia and so i think it would just look too wierd- yet how do i go 10 days without eating infront of them? ARG! well like i said each day at a time and i do plan on pulling long library days anyway.

Anyway im gonna hit the hay as i have to admit even the one day without caffeine has left me with a headache but fingers crossed that will get better once ive got through a day or two.

I was out with my flatmates this evening. We were just having drinks, very nice and chilled out, chatting to some guys- normal fun stuff 21 year olds should do. Only then i decided to leave and sit alone and home stuffing myself with bread and chocolate. less normal. not normal at all really. I guess i just dont feel very comfortable with social situations at the moments. Not in the skin im in anyway.

I have such a tortured relationship with my body and food. When things are going well im usually a good 20lbs lighter, running a lot and i’ll be life and soul of the party, but that can all change so fast that merely weeks later i’ll be unable to fit in any of my clothes and desperatly making any excuse not to go out in public. Pathetic really i know and i dread to think what i’m doing to my body. Since i started university 2 1/2 years ago i’ve gained and lost the same 20lbs a good 3 or 4 times. I used to suffer from bulimia and while i dont make myself sick anymore the binge eating hasnt gone away which is mainly why im able to gain weight at such lightning speed, and also why im sat here now with a stomach full of food wishing i was out being a normal 21 year old.

I cant believe ive let it go on so long. Im seriously throwing my life down the gutter. I need to break this cycle so i thought perhaps by putting my struggles out there it might kick me into getting started. I really feel at the stage of giving up only im not entirely sure what i even mean by that- I mean i cant just keep stuffing myself idefinatly i will just be so miserable! So i guess the only option is to sort myself out - if only it were so easy.